Living with Cancer.

It’s been really hard since finding out I have cervical cancer. Life changing hard. I have my ups and downs all day long. I will feel one minute I have this and I will make it than the next minute I’m freaking out and thinking that its the end for me. I think I don’t have time left in this world when that’s not the case. If this treatment doesn’t work I have other options for treatment and I know this but still, I think I have like days left. That’s not how this even goes. You always have treatment options to and I am so thankful I do. I feel depressed. I just keep looking at my kids and my husband and think how amazing they are and how I would miss them where ever I went. I would miss my parents and my siblings. I wouldn’t be happy without them. I believe in God and I believe you go to heaven when you pass over. They say you will have and feel peace when in heaven. For me, I know I would be sad and want to come back around my family. If God asked me if I wanted to go with him right now and have peace and not deal with all this pain and suffering and I wouldn’t have to deal with the worry and how the world is now with all the sick and hate anymore, I would say “thank you but no thank you. I want and need to be here for my family and not even my soul would be happy without them”. I am not ready. I know I am supposed to be here, I just feel it. I have gotten bad news after another With this cancer diagnosis. You have a mass, you have cervical cancer, It spread to a lymph node so you cure rate is 60% instead of the 90% like it was, you need surgery and a second surgery. I can’t catch a break. Today, I finally got one. My cancer didn’t spread anywhere else in my body. Once I heard that I couldn’t help but to just cry of joy, Finally some good news to tell. I still have cancer and I still have treatment to go through but after all the bad at least I have this. It’s in one general area that will be the only area that will be treated and I fell like I have this again. I didn’t feel bad about buying stuff for myself anymore. I feel I have my days left again. My life again even though my cure rate went down some. I still feel like I have this. When the doctor said there could be a chance it spread to other parts of my body, I had a thought for a split second that I just wanted to die. I wanted to give up and just to take me now but then I quickly thought no, Stop thinking this way. It’s not over and no matter, if it did, spread I was going to keep going and fight this head on until I was cured or until my last breath. That’s who I am. I am a survivor and I have my family but most of all God on my side and I have to be here. I have a good chance for a cure but if it did come back, I would fight again and again. I will never give up. I am too strong for that. I have my times of weakness and doubt but I know I will overcome this and be a survivor. I want to tell my story and raise awareness about this. I feel I am meant to put my journey out there for others. I am 29 years old and I have stage 3c cervical cancer. It can happen at a young age so please, go get checked. I say get checked every year if you can. I wish I would have, it would have been a different outcome for me. God Bless.

-Lady Kitsune